well, look.
i dont deny im discouraged.
but all this waiting is driving me bonkers.
it'll be good if ppl start encouraging me.
HAHAHAHA. im serious.

mella is a person who wants CLEAR CUT directions.
i dont like the feeling of being in a maze.
i dont like the feeling of waking up not knowing what to do.
i dont like the feeling of fear for my future.

yes, yes.
i know my future is in His hands.
but look, its not that i dont trust His plans for me.
its just that i dont even know what it is.
i dont even know what i shd start doing.
and its starting to get, frustrating, worrying, disappointing.
i've never felt like this before.
everything i want, everything i needed.
always will come to me.
and sometimes, it is truly not by my effort but by His grace.

this time round, i know.
i have to rely on His grace.
my poly results are not as fantabulous.
but there are others who are not granted admission either though they got even higher than me.
no, im not gloating.
im just thinking, if they dont get entry.
ME.? bahhhh.

i really want to be ________.
those who know will know.
those who dont, well.
i can only hope and pray.

i know there's a purpose in this waiting.
and i'll wait.
please please give me the patience and the insight to what this is about.

♥♥♥